Spiritual Freedom - Freedom to Choose Your Own Concept of a Higher Power
When I was in the custody of my childhood care-givers, I was told about the all powerful creator who would punish me if I did not do the will of my care-givers.
If I stubbed my toe, or had misfortune in my life, it was pointed out to me how I am being punished for not being how I was told to be.
This is a classic example Spiritual abuse.
This abuse formed a part of my total codependent dis-ease. This spiritual pain manifested itself on the outside in the form of self destructive indulgence. Hell, before I went into alcoholism recovery, I was not even aware of the term Spiritual Disease or Codependency.
Because I was not how I was supposed to be, I thought that there was something wrong with me. Because I thought there was something wrong with me, I would go around doing wrong things in order to validate the there is something wrong with me belief.
This is a classic example of the law of attraction in action.
I did not recover from alcoholism until I let go of my distorted images of God. Thank goodness, by the Grace of my Higher Power I was able to let go of that old god idea. If a belief is causing emotional disturbance, it's time to examine it and let it go. How simple is that. Just select a new belief to replace the old limiting, codependent or self destructive belief.
But why is it so hard to let go?
This erroneous kind of thinking held me hostage in the deep abyss all of my old life. I was going around judging every one of my actions based on a value of either good or bad - right or wrong.
I now know that there is no such thing as good or bad - right or wrong (except in maths). To me, good, bad, right and wrong only exist within the parameters of judgment. If I am accepting, I am not judging.
The old punishing god idea was deeply embedded in my entire beingness. (It had to be true, I was told so). The idea permeated every cell within my physical body. The very thought of questioning myself about the validity of the belief or the credibility of those who taught the idea would send my head spinning back to codependency.
It was hard to let go because that's all I knew. And because I thought I knew everything, I was not open to receive new ideas. I was incredulous. I did not have the capacity to accept new ideas.
The construction of my new beliefs were formed around tiny new ideas which I seemed willing to accept at the time. As I went to A.A and Codependents Anonymous Meetings, my mind seemed to gather new information which supported the tiny new ideas.
One day, a friend in recovery gave me a copy of The Language of Letting Go
, a daily meditation book which I still read every day. Bigger and better new ideas were slowly added until finally the old god idea no longer held me in it's power.
The letting go process of the old god idea was not a planned thing. Lucky for me, as the result adding new positive information into my brain every day, one day it just happened.
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